Love Story Reflection

My parents’ love story has set a positive example for me of what a real-life relationship looks like. My parents have never sugarcoated what marriage is like. They have been honest with me and my sister, often telling us that marriage is a lot of work, but if you give it the time and effort it deserves, it is really wonderful and rewarding. Learning more about the specifics of their relationship has helped me to better understand my parents. I am more aware of the values they believe are important in a marriage and in a family.

My parents’ love story is very different from the dramatic romantic relationships portrayed in movies and on TV. There was no epic first meeting or grand proposal. They had a simple, realistic courtship, but it suited my parents. A lot of the married couples I’ve seen in romantic comedies portray this image of marital bliss where fighting and conflict are noticeably absent. This is a completely inaccurate portrait of marriage. Conflict is an inevitable and normal part of marriage that, when handled correctly, is healthy. Married couples are not going to be completely happy and on the same page about everything for the rest of their lives. Romantic comedies tend to portray getting married as the solution to all problems and unhappiness in life. This unrealistic idea that getting married will “complete” you can set young people up for disappointment in marriage. One romantic comedy that I think portrays a more realistic couple is I Don’t Know How She Does It. In the movie, Sarah Jessica Parker portrays a working mom with young kids. She and her husband both have jobs and very hectic lives. The movie portrayed the two having fights and disagreements, having stressful days, making difficult decisions, and experiencing many other normal parts of life and marriage. This depiction of marriage is much more in line with the story and lessons my parents have told me.

Kip Moore’s song “Hey Pretty Girl” is a good representation of what it means to share a life with someone. I chose this song because it shows real love that is both strong and lasting. The song references both the good and the bad in life and sends the message that having someone to share forever with is both a challenge and a blessing. It doesn’t say that life will be perfect when you find your soul mate, it will just be better. Moore sings, “Life’s a long and winding ride, better have the right one by your side.” Moore also sings about building a life together, saying “Let’s build some dreams and a house on a piece of land. We’ll plant some roots.” Finally, at the end, Moore does not romanticize his relationship or make it out to be something it isn’t. In the last line, he thanks God, singing, “When I see the light and it’s my time to go, I’m gonna thank the Lord for a real good life, a pretty little girl and a beautiful wife.”

Love and Soul Mates

I believe a lot of the typical qualities such as mutual respect, friendship, attraction, and loyalty are important in committed relationships. I also think shared life goals, similar views on family, and openness are key to a happy, successful marriage. In order to share your life with someone, you should want similar things in life. Another important component of a committed relationship is the promise to stay with someone through thick and thin and to accept them for all they are, both the good and bad. Nobody is perfect, and part of finding healthy love is accepting and celebrating one’s imperfections. I think a lot of television, movie, and music portrayals of love include these qualities along with the more dramatic parts of love. For example, in “Dark Side,”  Kelly Clarkson sings, “Everybody’s got a dark side… Can you love mine? Nobody’s a picture perfect, but we’re worth it.” In “Makin’ Me Fall in Love Again,” Kellie Pickler mentions that a long-term relationship takes work. She says, “ I gotta tell you there’s nothin’ better than you and me together, workin’ on forever.” Carrie Underwood talks about selfless love in “Who Are You,” singing “Who are you, the one for whom I’d really gladly suffer.” Blake Shelton references God’s role in love in “God Gave Me You.” He sings, “God gave me you for the ups and downs. God gave me you for the days of doubts. And for when I think I lost my way.” “You and Me” by Dave Matthews Band talks about the endless possibilities two people have in love. The song shows two young people in love with the whole world to see.

I don’t believe in soul mates. I don’t think that there is only one person out there for everyone, and that only that person can make them truly and completely happy. I think there are many people that can make someone happy and love them completely. I think the idea of soul mates sets unrealistic expectations that will only disappoint people later. I think it is much more practical to see the search for “the one” as a search for one person who can make them happy. That one person could be any number of people, not just one single person whom we should search for.

Gender Views

Adults, in a subtle way, have sent the message that girls should be feminine, pretty, into clothes and makeup, emotional, and soft-spoken. Boys should be masculine, athletic, tough, and unemotional. These messages of gender stereotypes have come from adults such as aunts, uncles, and grandparents with traditional views. However, most adults have encouraged me and my sister to be who we are, whether or not we fit the female stereotype. But over the years, some relatives have made subtle suggestions about how girls should react to certain situations while telling my male cousins the opposite.

Going to an all-girls school has slightly blinded me to gender issues, but in a positive way. It has allowed me to be who I am without worrying about being the “right” kind of girl. Meeting girls with different hobbies, different ideas, and different personalities has kept me from developing a specific idea about who girls should be and how they should act. As a result, identifying myself as a woman doesn’t mean anything specific; it means being able to do and be anything I want.

I think the influence of adults and the media has made me subconsciously expect that men will hold the “traditional” role in a relationship: holding doors, paying, and doing physical chores. However, I don’t necessarily want that or believe that’s the way it should be. I also don’t expect that women will fill the “traditional” feminine role of cooking, cleaning, etc. I believe a lot of these expectations and stereotypes come from what I see in the relationships of my older relatives and from TV, movies, etc.

Miss Representation Reflection

It's very easy to believe that we are not affected by the media, that we are above the tricks and subtle messages, that recognizing the inaccuracies and objectifications makes us immune to their effects. However, watching Miss Representation and reading the article on U.S. Catholic online made me stop and question whether the media alters my perception of what is acceptable. Both have made me realize that the media's portrayal of women as sexual objects has affected what I view as normal. I often do not recognize many of the subtle messages this sexualization sends. Seeing the many examples of objectification in Miss Representation made me understand how harmful and pervasive this portrayal of women is on young girls and on society as a whole.

In many ways, I feel I have been sheltered from the role gender plays in society. Attending an all-girls school where powerful women are valued and looked up to, where young women are taught that they have the power to do anything they want, has insulated me from the reality that many other girls face. I have come to realize that although other girls like me see their value in their intelligence and personality, the majority of girls feel their only value lies in their sexuality. The sad reality is that they see their looks and attractiveness to boys as their most important quality. I believe that if other girls were taught to see themselves as smart, powerful, hard-working, and important, they wouldn't be so susceptible to the media's influence.

While I have not experienced any significant amount of sexism in the workplace, I have witnessed subtle examples and I expect to experience the role of gender in the future. At my current job, males and females are treated equally, yet on occasion, certain tasks are assigned to specifically boys or specifically girls. For example, boys are asked to take out the trash and lift heavy boxes whereas girls are asked to organize shelves and color-coordinate files. While these differences seem harmless on the surface and generally do not upset anyone in my workplace, they do show the larger issues that society faces. Males are expected to be strong and capable of performing physically difficult tasks whereas women are expected to be good at organization and other "home management" type tasks. Yet expecting people to conform to these ideals prevents people from being true to themselves. The stereotyping affects both males and females, and while this is only a small example, it can still have negative effects on people.

Personal Mission Statement

My mission is to find happiness, fulfillment, and value in living by contenting myself in my surroundings. To dedicate myself to every goal I choose to pursue. To use my talents for good and always have the best of intentions. To act honorably and graciously in situations that are challenging. To expect the best from people and appreciate differences and diversity. To continually learn throughout my life. To enjoy every day of my life and find laughter, love, and happiness along the way.

Identity

The service trip I went on two summers ago was my real first experience with community service outside of the occasional weekly trips to LaSalle Academy and St. Francis Inn. It was a turning point in my interest in service, and encouraged me to increase my commitment. I resumed playing piano for the residents at the Villa and started going to LaSalle more frequently. That led to becoming at CSC officer and finding an activity that I really cared about. That initial experience and all the other service opportunities I’ve had since then have changed the way I look at myself and my future. It has shaped my college search and future career ideas.

http://www.justiceworx.org/

Last January, my family and I went on a trip to Israel. The trip changed my perspective on many things. It was the first place I had traveled to that felt one hundred percent different from my home. On other trips, the destination often bore remarkable similarities to home, but Israel was entirely different. Everything about the country felt foreign, but in a good way. It introduced me to a way of life that I had only ever heard and read about. The people I met and the places I visited inspired my desire to see the world and the diversity of life. Additionally, although the trip was in no way a religious pilgrimage, the trip made me think about religion in a new way. Seeing people fall to their knees in front of famous religious sites and artifacts was strange to me, yet it was inspiring to see their passion. I have never really felt strongly about my own religion, but visiting a place divided by religion made me consider my own Catholic faith. While I wouldn’t say the trip strengthened my faith, it did make me stop and think about what I believe in, something I’d never really done before.

My older sister has affected my identity in several ways. As my best friend, she has been consistently supportive of me and has been a source of advice over the past few years as I’ve had to make important decisions. She has taught me a lot about what it truly means to grow up, become an adult, and have responsibilities. Also, seeing her change her major and her plans for the future forced me to look critically at my own ideas for my future. Her choices have shown me that I need to make my own decisions in order to make myself happy.